Cracked
by Cat Lionheart
Summary: A series of fanfics and outtakes based on the stuff I think up while reading and playing video games.
1. Introduction

This is a series of stories that comes from my dark or weird sense of humor.

These are basically a series of fanfics and outtakes based on crap I think up while reading and playing video games.

They may offend or generally disturb, if this happens to you, it is your own fault for clicking the next chapter button, so don't go bothering me about it if you are.

For the rest of you, enjoy.


	2. Rusty, what a tom!

A cold breeze stirred the undergrowth, ruffling Rusty's fur. He shivered, not with cold, but with excitement at the incredible possibilities opening up in front of him.

"Are you wondering if it's worth giving up your comfortable kittypet life?" asked Bluestar gently. "But do you realize the price you will pay for your warmth and food?"

Rusty looked at her, puzzled. Surely his encounter with those cats had proved to him just how easy and luxurious his life was.

"I can tell you are still a tom," Bluestar added, "despite the Twoleg stench that clings to your fur."

Feeling somewhat more insulted at Bluestar's comment rather then thankful for the compliment and feeling emboldened Rusty replied, "Give me half a chance and I will show just how much of a tom I am."

"Really?" Said Bluestar swinging her tail from side to side in obvious amusement. "Well there are some bushes right over there." She indicated the direction with her tail.

"After you." Rusty purred confidently. Bluestar strolled over behind the bush her tail lifted showing off a little to Rusty; Lionheart cocked his head a little as Rusty confidently walked over to where the grey she cat was.

The bush started shaking and Rusty's low growls as well as Bluestar's and the occasional meow of surprise came from behind the bush. After about fifteen minutes Bluestar came from behind the bush with a satisfied look on her face like she had just caught a fat rabbit. Lionheart looked at her and questionably and she just smiled as Rusty came from behind the bush as well. "This kittypet is definitely worthy to join ThunderClan. On an unrelated note I have decided to take a new mate." Lionheart looked first at Rusty smirking then back at Bluestar and was about to ask something when Bluestar said still rather pleased "What?"


	3. Aqua gets lucky

Aqua power walked the streets Skingrad heading towards the only Alchemical shop in town. "I swear as long as I continue to live well fed or not I will never get used to how bright the sun has become. Reaching the door she quickly went inside to get out of the sun. Seeing Falanu Hlaalu she said "Hey."

"Good day" Falanu replied.

"So tell me a bit about Skingad." Aqua said trying to prolong the conversation.

"I'm the only alchemist in Skingrad. Not much business here but I can't go back to Morrowwind. It's just like everywhere else in the empire. By the way...do you know happen to know what the fine is here is Cyrodiil for necrophilia? " Aqua raised an eyebrow upon hearing that. "Just asking."

"Is it the first offense?"

"Lets assume 'no'."

"Then it's at least 500 gold."

"That's nothing compared to Morrowwind. Thanks.

Aqua shifted her eyes side to said and with a smirk said "Why, looking to get lucky?" She then flashed her fangs at Falanu.

Falanu showed a look fo horror, then she smiled and said "Take me lover I am yours!"


	4. If you play with Firepaw you get burned

"Those kits were weak," Brokenstar hissed, bending his face towards Yellowfang's ear. "They would have been no use to ShadowClan. If I hadn't killed them, some other warrior would have."

A wail of grief went up from a black-and-white ShadowClan queen. Brokenstar ignored her. "I should have killed _you _when I had the chance," he spat at Yellowfang. "It seems I must have some of my father's softness. I was a fool to let you leave ShadowClan alive!" He lunged, teeth bared, ready to sink them into her neck.

Firepaw was quicker. He jumped onto Brokenstar's back before he could clamp his jaws shut. Firepaw dug his claws into the matted tabby fur and pulled him off the exhausted queen, flinging him to the edge of the clearing.

Brokenstar twisted around in midair to land on his feet and looked into Firepaw's eyes, spitting viscously "Don't waste your time apprentice! I've shared dreams with StarClan. You will have to kill me nine times over before I join them. Do you really think you are strong enough for that?" His eyes glowed with confidence and defiance.

Firepaw stared back at him and as he did anger over the fact he had been the cause of Spottedleaf's death just not her killer, swelled up in him. "If that is the case then I will just have to make you once, twice, nine times my queen! He hissed at him with fire in his eyes.

"If you think you can, try it you mousebrained furball!" Brokenstar spat back getting ready to leap at the young ginger cat.

"If you leap at me you had better lift your tail first and prepare to be mounted!" Hissed Firepaw. Brokenstar leaped at Firepaw in fury intent on killing the defiant apprentice. Firepaw crouched low and leaped up and caught Brokenstar by the throat ripping a peace of it out and landed on top of the now dead leader. Firepaw sat there on the ShadowClan leader's chest waiting for the first signs of life to return to him as he had seen with Bluestar.

Whitestorm broke from his opponent and ran to Firepaw and dragged him off Brokenstar. He could see a look of fierceness in the apprentices eyes that he had not seen even on Tigerclaw's face before and knew that if he didn't stop him now that he would lose himself to the bloodlust and ultimately fail as a warrior.

Gently tossing him aside "Firepaw!" he hissed at him. Firepaw shook his head and nodded seeming to snap out of it and they both continued with the battle.


	5. ShadowClan Strikes 1

The screen door was torn apart and there were paw prints everywhere including on the ceiling and walls somehow. Cindy looked over her livening room in disbelief and shock, her mother's vase shattered, her carpet and furniture ruined and paw prints everywhere, and worst of all her goldfish was gone its bowl on the floor mostly empty and only a single note that read "Your fish is now our fish. ShadowClan."


End file.
